Subject:    Re: Anti-Voyager Zombie
From:       Captain Infinity
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.tv,rec.arts.startrek.current,alt.fan.tom-servo,
            rec.arts.tv,alt.tv.star-trek.voyager,alt.startrek
Message-ID: <3488e1fc.1836464@nntp.netcruiser>


In article <667735$7ec@clarknet.clark.net> (which I never saw on my
newsreader for some reason, though its existence was revealed to my mind
during an episode of "Sigmund and the Sea Monsters" in which an adolescent
Pamelyn Ferdin trotted around in short-shorts and a midriff, squawking in
that horrible spine-twisting "Edna Unger" nasal screech of hers, tempting
me to plunge Phillips screwdrivers repeatedly into my ears)
nyrath@clark.net (Nyrath the nearly wise) wrote:

>Thus spoke Captain Infinity (Innfinit@ix.netcom.SPAMBLOCK.com):
>> 
>> Anti-Voyager Zombie
>> 
>> INGREDIENTS:
>>       151 proof Pudding
>
>        Dare I ask what "151 proof Pudding" is?

It is the ineluctable consequence of leaving a glass of sugar milk near a
television set which is showing "Star Trek: Voyager".  The sonic
frequencies of Kate Mulgrew's vocal cords set up vibrations within the
liquid which cause it to coagulate, and the sugars to ferment.  A New York
ad agency is planning to use the concoction in a series of public service
announcements next spring:  
"This is your brain." (Image of glass of sugar-milk.)
"This is your brain on Voyager." (Image of 151 proof pudding.)
"This is your brain with a mixture of several liquors, a garnish of fruit,
and a sidecar marshmallow Bunny." (Image of Anti-Voyager Zombie.)


>        I have visions of vanilla flavored sterno.

I have visions of cement mixers full of tapioca, chasing me through the
streets of an empty city.

I have visions of disembodied gloves, hitchhiking on the highway.

I have visions of smiling ducks, sitting on the hood of my car and eating
the windshield wipers.

I have visions of large green tarpaulins covering the goal-nets on an empty
volleyball field, after dark, in the rain, coming to life and trying to
smother me.

I have visions of a giant sea turtle that lives in a large rusted metal
trash can on the beach, emerging at sunrise and crawling into the ocean.

I have visions of small feathered dinosaurs, crawling off my bookshelf and
interfering with the TV reception of "The Last Remake of Beau Geste" in
such a way that every voice can be heard except Marty Feldman's.

** 
Captain Infinity
 ...No, really...I do.